27 Changes

The ugly duckling. The funny one. The forever bridesmaid, never bride. The invisible one.
That's how she's always felt her whole life. She felt she needed something more, something to prove that she was not alone and that she was a happy gal. And she waited for that something to arrive. That something, that someone... And it never came.

Days passed, months and years went by, life passed, and she was still looking for that something and praying to God that she would get better, would give 100 percent on everything, would improve who she was in order to deserve what she though He should gave her.

What she never realized was that she only needed herself to be happy. She needed to see her own reflection, to find it beautiful, to make herself smile - and even laugh - and everyone around would feel the same way.

So,  again, she started fresh. Not by trying to be someone she wasn't, like she did before. Not by trying to make them all fall in love with her, like she thought she wanted. Not by chasing something she didn't even know what - or who - it was, just because "they told her so".
She just started again. Pressed the reset button and changed. This time for her and not for anybody else.

Maybe that was the way to change.

Lost in this obliviation

Why do I have to feel like this again?
What should I do? Where should I go?

How do I push these feelings away?
How do I begin to live again?
I can't stand how empty I am,
Missing things I don't own, places I didn't go, answers I don't understand.
How do I start to live again?

When will I start to feel the things that this numbness won't let me to?
Will I ever have a life, a way to know exactly what I'm supposed to do?

Lost, in this obliviation.

What's going on?

So many things I can barely list!

I've been busy. First with studies and work, then with plans, now with actions.

My trip it's only 2 weeks away, and in the meantime there's this great concert I have to attend (wich is going to be my Best Friend first time seeing one of her biggest Idols, wich makes it so special), then I'm on a diet and I'm already seeing some results, and I'm almost on vacation from college...
So many things are happening and I fell so great!

US is once again a dream coming true.
I never thought I'd be back there in such a short period of time and here I am, packing my bags to spend my entire vacation with my awesome host family and having the chance to see what I haven't and to remember what I missed so much.

Kelly's concert makes me so excited, cuz this time is in Brazil, and this time Dani will be there, and this time it'll be front row. And it'll be how it was supposed to be the first time around. I'm really, really happy and already dying about it.

I'm ending my 3rd semester and soon I'll be half way throught on becoming (ANMT... lol) a journalist. I couldn't be more sure of what I want to be professionally and more in love with an idea other than this one.
I can't wait to find a new job, to learn more (and learn right), to see the other things I can do with this carrer, and that sends some peace to my heart, to know that I'm not waisting money and time on something I'm not sure I want.
Thank God for waiting to start college.

And last but not least, I'm really happy with myself for keeping up the diet for two whole weeks. I had some lazy days, when I didn't want to keep score and screw it, but overall I'm really good, I'm on track and I can feel myself changing. Not physically but with my self-esteem.
Dani's tumblr really helps! I always go there when I don't feel like going throught with the diet (wich I need to stop calling diet and start calling "Healthy lifestle" or something) and it always helps. The things she chooses to post there are actually for herself but it makes me think and want to keep going, keep trying to be healthier.
Even when I'm craving for candy, I force myself to ignore the chocolates and go eat some cereal bar.
My mom says that she can already see the difference. I can't. Bu then again, I'm not keeping track of my weight 'cuz I get too excited when I do it and that makes me want to celebrate at Mc Donalds (wich, by the way, I won't eat until next year).

I'm really happy with life right now, thank you very much, and I thought I had to write down the reasons, so that I can come here every now and then to look at them and smile, 'cuz that will make me keep up with the nice job.

Anyway, looking foward for the next couple of weeks and I'll probably be back with some cool pictures of my beloved second country and my even more loved second family.

♥