Lost in this obliviation

Why do I have to feel like this again?
What should I do? Where should I go?

How do I push these feelings away?
How do I begin to live again?
I can't stand how empty I am,
Missing things I don't own, places I didn't go, answers I don't understand.
How do I start to live again?

When will I start to feel the things that this numbness won't let me to?
Will I ever have a life, a way to know exactly what I'm supposed to do?

Lost, in this obliviation.

What's going on?

So many things I can barely list!

I've been busy. First with studies and work, then with plans, now with actions.

My trip it's only 2 weeks away, and in the meantime there's this great concert I have to attend (wich is going to be my Best Friend first time seeing one of her biggest Idols, wich makes it so special), then I'm on a diet and I'm already seeing some results, and I'm almost on vacation from college...
So many things are happening and I fell so great!

US is once again a dream coming true.
I never thought I'd be back there in such a short period of time and here I am, packing my bags to spend my entire vacation with my awesome host family and having the chance to see what I haven't and to remember what I missed so much.

Kelly's concert makes me so excited, cuz this time is in Brazil, and this time Dani will be there, and this time it'll be front row. And it'll be how it was supposed to be the first time around. I'm really, really happy and already dying about it.

I'm ending my 3rd semester and soon I'll be half way throught on becoming (ANMT... lol) a journalist. I couldn't be more sure of what I want to be professionally and more in love with an idea other than this one.
I can't wait to find a new job, to learn more (and learn right), to see the other things I can do with this carrer, and that sends some peace to my heart, to know that I'm not waisting money and time on something I'm not sure I want.
Thank God for waiting to start college.

And last but not least, I'm really happy with myself for keeping up the diet for two whole weeks. I had some lazy days, when I didn't want to keep score and screw it, but overall I'm really good, I'm on track and I can feel myself changing. Not physically but with my self-esteem.
Dani's tumblr really helps! I always go there when I don't feel like going throught with the diet (wich I need to stop calling diet and start calling "Healthy lifestle" or something) and it always helps. The things she chooses to post there are actually for herself but it makes me think and want to keep going, keep trying to be healthier.
Even when I'm craving for candy, I force myself to ignore the chocolates and go eat some cereal bar.
My mom says that she can already see the difference. I can't. Bu then again, I'm not keeping track of my weight 'cuz I get too excited when I do it and that makes me want to celebrate at Mc Donalds (wich, by the way, I won't eat until next year).

I'm really happy with life right now, thank you very much, and I thought I had to write down the reasons, so that I can come here every now and then to look at them and smile, 'cuz that will make me keep up with the nice job.

Anyway, looking foward for the next couple of weeks and I'll probably be back with some cool pictures of my beloved second country and my even more loved second family.

♥

I hate twilights

Hate the look on people's faces. The way the shadows play on their eyes, making everyone seem mysterious. 

I hate the way the artificial lights mix with the remaining lights from the day that's almost over. 

Hate the way this time of the day depresses me and reminds me of something I don't really know what it is.

I hate how I know it's a bad memory that sends shivers down my spine.

I hate twilights.

Poison "Envy"

The old woman sat on the old chair in front of the old house and talked alone.
She'd talk about everything and everybody.

She'd talk about the neighbor's kids, who made "too much noise" while playing ball.
She talked about how the guy who lives accross the street "must be gay".
She talked about how "small" was the wedding ring her niece got from her new fiancé.
She talked about the guy who was "too tall" when stading next to his girlfriend and about how "fat" she looked in that "gorgeus party dress, which, by the way, was too much for such a small event".
She'd talk, and talk by herself.

What she never talked about was the fact that she didn't have someone to listen to her talking.

She's in love.

- She's in love.
- She's been in love for a long time now.
- He's sweet, amazing, handsome, charming, talented, rich... Every girl's dream.
- She's in love. 
- Ever since she can remember. 
- She's in love.
- He can touch her heart, take her breath away, be the perfect guy.
- She's in love. 
- She's been trying to figure it out, trying to reach her goal, trying to make the change. 
- She's in love.
- He talks with everyone easily, and boy can he talk? He gets you with a look, with his sweet voice, he makes you wanna love him.
- She's in love.

She wants him, wants to get there, wants to make him realize he can only be hers. They are meant to be, as people say, they are the one.
She's just as charming, and talented, and beautiful, and funny as he is. She's everything he could ever want. That's what it is. That's what is supposed to be.

- She's in love.

Not with HIM, but with the Idea of having him. The one that she created so long ago.
Still...

- She's in love.