A LITTLE More for that BIG Love.

He was in his twenties, working at his little job, studying his little thing, living his little life. He always felt that something was missing, so he was always looking for new things to study, different jobs to do, different people to love.
Nothing would quite work too long and the little happiness he felt on the beginning would vanish little by little...

She was also in her twenties, but she was living the big life, the life that could be on the big screen of a big movie theater.
She was doing what she loved, learning what she wanted to learn, loving the way she wanted to be loved.
But that didn't make her too different from him. She was also missing that big feeling, that makes you happier everyday, that makes you want to enjoy every moment and save them on your memory forever, that makes you feel complete...

They met on the bank, he was going to pay his little bills, she was planing a big trip.
They talked during those little minutes they waited, but it felt like hours when they realized how much it was said.
He saw that she had the big dreams he wanted to have, she realized he knew how to take the little steps that leads you to the run...
They just had to find each other, to take the two little broken hearts and make them into a big, big love.

"Why?"

""Why do I even bother?" - she wrote once again o the diary. A question she knew nobody would answer, a question she wanted so desperately to go away.

Ever since she remembers caring, it happens like this:
- She starts happy, having fun, enjoying herself.
- Then she fixates her mind on something , and she wants to have that no matter what.
- So she tries harder and harder to be good enough.
- What was supposed to be fun becomes an obsession, something that she needs, she must have.
- Once she thinks she's almost getting it, someone says she doesn't have what it takes to deserve that.
- So she ends up crying like a little girl while writing on the diary "Why do I even bother?"

Hopefully one day things will change."

"When you get sad...

..May it be only for one day, not for the whole year." [Amor pra Recomecar - Frejat]

"She was felling sad, more alone than any other day. She missed everything and everybody, even the things and people she didn't like. It seemed like all her memories where coming from another lifetime and that in this one she was just that lonely girl.

She felt the tears coming from thinking about the time apart so she forced her mind to go on some other place.

"She was with her whole family in one of those birthday parties, dancing to a song she hated but still having so much fun..." - "It's been a while that I don't allow myself to be silly", she thought.

"She was sitting on the grass with her best friend on a Sunday Afternoon, in front of that place so special, after laughing their asses off on a long car ride." - a smile came.

"She was thirteen, and was singing to a bad karaoke music, in a bad English, while everybody worked to put the house in order... They spent the whole day playing instead and waited 'till the last moment to do what they had to do. It was more fun that way." - She decided to call her friends and spend more time together in the future.

What seemed to be leading to a depressing night, turned out to be the night that brought back special memories that would keep her from being sad for long time."

"You gotta Stand for Something..."

"...or you'll fall for anything. [Fall for Anything - The Script]"


"Her whole life she tried to please everybody. The little sister always had the nicest toys, the kids at school always got the answer on the test, the best friend dated the boy she liked without her saying a word.

Her life was as empty as it could be. She didn't have anything, never was appreciated for what she had done, never had someone to stand by her.

So she got tired of just being and decided to start living.
She would think on her wishes before asking somebody else's opinion without being afraid to be called selfish. Would go for what she wanted, for who she wanted...

Only because someone told her to stand for something and she realized that, that something, was herself.

The (Script) Inspiration.

I've been alone for a while now and during this long seven (almost eight) months I've learned to find strength and friendship on "my" songs. They are "mine" even thou I didn't really write anything. They are mine because I needed something to own when everything around me is someone else's. They are my friendly words, my company, my happiness and most important, my inspiration.

Every new artist I "found" looking around the internet, movies and music channels on TV (and I used to hate them), talk with me or for me on their songs. Even if is only with one sentence, they are always putting out the thoughts I have and can't share with no one. I guess they (the songs) were always there but I didn't need them before as much as I do now.

The last inspiration comes from Ireland and is totally different from what I was use to hear from that country. The Script has some powerfull lyrics that I just can't stop listening to and wishing that I could show to other people so that they would see the new me that I didn't even know I had.

The next posts will probably be born in the middle of the night, with the Ipod playing "I'm Yours" and the notebook being turned on when I was supposed to be sleeping...

Blur.

There's always more than one path or no path at all, the windows and doors can be all open or you can find yourself locked in a room without sunlight. It's up to you to choose how you wanna see the world.
Me... I just bought a par of glasses.

Earth Hour 2010.

I visited one of the blogs I like the most two days ago, the Algumas Obeseracoes, and the newest entry in there talks about something I'm really into: The Earth Hour.
So, I asked my friend Fernanda to let me spread the word around here as well, using her post as the inspiration, so here it is:

"Em março de 2010, o Brasil participa oficialmente da Hora do Planeta. No sábado, 27 de março, entre 20h30 e 21h30, diversos ícones do País serão apagados por uma hora para mostrar a nossa preocupação com o aquecimento global.

No Brasil, o apagar das luzes representa um sinal claro aos governos de que a população quer o fim dos desmatamentos, responsável por mais de 70% das emissões de gases do país. Também significa que o Brasil está alinhado com o resto dos países participantes, que também clamam pelo controle das emissões de forma a manter o aquecimento global em torno dos 2°C, como preconizado pela comunidade científica."

"On March 2010, Brazil officially joins the Earth Hour.
On Saturday, March 27th, between 8:30pm an 9:30pm, the most famous points on the country will have their lights turned off to demonstrate our worry about the global warming.

In Brazil, this shows to the government that the population wants to put an end to the deforestation, responsible for over than 70% of the gas transmission to the atmosphere in the country.
It also means that Brazil is with the others countries involved on the cause, crying out for the control of the gas transmission so that the global warming can be hold around 2°C, recommended by the scientific community."

If you are in Brazil or whatever other place in the world, join us on the Earth Hour and turn off your house, enjoy a romantic dinner with candles or put the fireplace in action. It's just for one hour but it can make a hell of difference.

The Angels on the Way.

"She was sitting at the hospital with her mom, dad and grandma.
She was in her early teens, so young for so many things but old enough to live and suffer all that.
She saw a little boy, her brother's age, coming on their direction, running all happy in front of his family. Behind him came his happy mom watching her kid, and even a little farther, she saw herself.
- "Little Brothers" her other self said. - "It doesn't look like a few hours ago he was coming in crying" the girl smile and left.
She felt better. For some reason that was everything she wanted to her to make the bad feelings go away, for some reason she knew things were going to be ok."

-----

"The guy was waiting for that chance for a long time. It would change his life in a way he couldn't even picture.
He looked around the room, trying to feel what the other people, his rivals, were feeling. Everybody looked more prepared for that than he was. His hands started to shake. He closed his eyes. Breathed nervously.
The lady who was cleaning the room came closer to him and, with one hand on his shoulder said he was going to do great. He smiled at her, and she smiled back making him believe he was good enough.

When his name was called he stood and came into the room."

-----

Or Angels just need two seconds, a strange face and some confort words to operate their miracles. "

Christmas' Suicide.

"It's Christmas Eve. She lays on the sofa, the same one she doesn't leave for three days now. All those silly old Christmas movies on TV, the snow and the lights outside don't let her forget that she's alone for Christmas.
She opens up what seemed to be the third bottle of wine and refill her half empty glass. - "Half empty..." - she says, talking about her life this time.
She rather see her life half empty instead of half full. All the dreams she achieved on the last couple of years, all great places and people she met, everything was gone tonight. - "What's the point?" - she thought and drank.

By her on the sofa, some pills made her laugh. Pills that once were used to keep her awake to finish the work during college (which, by the way, helped her to get where she was now), were going to be used for... This.

She grabbed the glass of wine, four or five pills, and swallowed everything with just one sip.
Her head was resting comfortably on the sofa as she waited looking at the tv. The image started to vanish before her and she smiled. She would finally be free.

The Loneliness left her mind, it knew it was over with her... At least until the next day, when the sleeping pills would not work anymore, and she would find herself alone on Christmas morning.

Talent. (Breathe)

"The clock shows 1:12am. I've been laying here for more than 4 hours now, trying unsuccessfully to fall asleep. I already did all the rituals that normally works to put me down but nothing worked, so I decided to use this time and the thoughts that keep coming to my mind to do something "useful".

On the Ipod "Breathe (2am)" [Anna Nalick] made me think about this: some people are really talented!
It's not the first time that I come to this brand new conclusion on my own.

How can someone sit down for a number of hours (or days, or months, it doesn't matter) and after that have something so beautiful that speaks, no only for the one's soul but for other people's as well?
Like the song says: "2 am and I'm still awake writing a song, if I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to. And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd, cause these words on my diary, screaming out loud, and I know that you'll use them, however you want to." It must be amazing to realize that the way you put your feelings out can become a beautiful song, or dance, or act, or paint... And that, that particular thing will become someone else's inspiration for new songs, dances, acts, paints...

A friend of mine taught me how to actually see some of these beauties and I gotta say, it makes a hell of a difference.

Just wanted to share the thought. Now I'll go back to bed, dark, Ipod and talent until I'm not conscious to listen to it anymore.

Good Night."

A Personal One.

"Ela é o seu primeiro contato com o mundo aqui fora.
Ela é a primeira a te ter nos braços, e o unico lugar onde você se mantém calmo e se sente seguro.
Ela é a que passa as noites em claro, assistindo você dormir, depois de ter passado horas tentando vencer a febre que não cedia.
Ela é a que passa horas tentando fazer você se alimentar naquela fase em que não queremos comer, e é aquela que passa outras boas horas no telefone pra garantir que você tem comido direito agora que ela não pode mais te sentar no cadeirao.
Ela é quem te ensina a falar, andar, escrever suas primeiras letras, passar pela primeira decepção amorosa...
E é a quem briga por notas boas no colegio, por companhias confiaveis, por te ter de volta em casa antes da meia noite, porque esse e o unico jeito em que ela vai conseguir descansar, sabendo que você esta seguro no quarto ao lado.

Ela é aquela em quem você vai se espelhar, pra quem vai ligar pedindo a receita de sopa ou o conselho importante.
Ela é você, so que com menos erros e bem menos burradas.
é ela quem você vai querer ser quando crescer.

Mãe."

----------

Mais um aniversario da pessoa que me colocou no mundo e eu não estou lá. Já que não posso abraçá-la pessoalmente, resolvi escrever um texto em homenagem a ela, desejando um lindo dia, muitos sonhos a realizar e mais uns 150 anos de vida.
Te amo Mãe, Parabens!!!

Temporary Home.

It's been a while since I last came here, I've been working on some things to return... And as I'm here laying in bed, ready to sleep, I started to listen to Carrie Underwood's "Play On" and I found this song.
This is not something I want to turn into a habit, post songs and other people's texts, but I decided that this one deserves a spot.
Anyway, here it is:

Carrie Underwood

Temporary Home

Songwriters: Laird, Luke Robert/ Maloy, Zac/ Underwood, Carrie

Little boy, six years old
A little too used to being alone
Another new mom and dad, another school
Another house that’ll never be home
When people ask him how he likes this place
He looks up and says with a smile upon his face...

This is my temporary home
It’s not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I’m passing through
This is just a stop on the way to where I’m going
I’m not afraid because I know
This is my temporary home

A young mom on her own
She needs a little help, got no where to go
She’s looking for a job, looking for a way out
‘Cause a half-way house will never be a home
At night she whispers to her baby girl
Someday we’ll find our place here in this world...

This is our temporary home
It’s not where we belong
Windows and rooms that we’re passing through
This is just a stop on the way to where we’re going
I’m not afraid because I know
This is our temporary home

Old man, hospital bed
The room is filled with people he loves
And he whispers, “don’t cry for me,
I’ll see you all someday”
He looks up and says,
“I can see God’s face”

This is my temporary home
It’s not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I’m passing through
This was just a stop on the way to where I’m going
I’m not afraid because I know
This was my temporary home

This is our temporary home

If... The Difference.

"You are alone if you decide not to go to that kid's party, with the clowns and magicians, and children running around... You're lonely if you miss having a place like that to go.

You are alone if your family left to go to that cousin's (who you hate) wedding and you did everything to lose your invitation so that you would be free to stay home... You're lonely if after the wedding, you find the pictures on the internet and spend hours looking at them trying to find a friendly familiar face.

You are alone if you spend Saturday night on the couch 'cause your best friend went out with her new boyfriend... You're lonely if you think that you'd do anything to be with them, even though you would be ruinning their one month aniversary.

You are alone if you decide not to spend the New Year's Eve with your family and instead, be in front of the computer at midnight... You're lonely if all you can think about is that you wanted to be able to hug each and every one of them.

If is a choice you are alone, if it's destiny, sorry pall, you're lonely."

Let the Music Play

"She was going to school. Walking to the bus stop with her headphones in place. She was listening to the singer saying how much she missed someone.
The air of the morning was cold, hard to breath and left a hole inside her lungs, as if something was missing. The red, oranges and yellow leaves falling, gave a sad look to the desert street.
The girl sang along with the music.

The track changed. The singer talked about the guy that made her happy.
A thin light of sun appeared between the clouds and the wind stopped, so that it wasn't cold anymore.
The girl sang along with the music.

The bus driver was in a bad mood, so was the singer who was now coursing the guy who ruined her life. The girl stare for a second at the boy, and when he looked back, her sight went in a different direction.
The girl sang along with the music.

Hopes and dreams were fulling the girl's head, as the singer described how amazing she felt when she achieved her goal.
The bus driver said "have a nice one", and the girl smiled back walking toward the school.
It was the last year and soon she would be leaving to college. New dreams, new challenges, new life. She hoped for the best and something was telling her that the best would come.
She felt good, and once again, the girl sang along with the music."

The Jump.

"Every night she would lay in bed and think, almost in a prayer, about the dreams she had.
Even though all the signs pushed her toward the dreams, she would hold them in and just allow herself to live them at night.

If she tried to share them, people would say she was crazy and so were the dreams, and somehow she would let those people slow her down.
She even learned how to fake smiles and pretend she didn't want any of that anymore. But she knew her life was leading her to it, she could no longer hide, that was the way to change everything, to "break the deal".

She got on the plane, after a long talk with her sister, who tried for the last time to convince her not to do it, but it didn't work this time.
She looked at the city down there, with it's cars ant-sized. She took the first step. She Jumped."

A Girl Got to Dream.

"15 years old. Orphan. Living in a small city, south of Alabama.
She was seating on the wooden bench, looking at the little stage on the center of the city square, stage that held her firsts victories when she was still a little girl.
She was writing on her journal, making the list to be sure she wouldn't forget anything.
1.Work all summer.
2.Have enough money.
3.Buy tickets to New York.
4.That friends phone number.
5.A coat, a dress, some underwear...

She would get there. Find every Dream she had. Be the bigger person she wanted, bigger than that damn small town.
She would go far!

A girl gotta dream..."

-----

"Was born in Los Angeles, close to all the celebrities everybody wanted a piece.
Went to college, had her own little line of clothes, keeping mom's work going.
Never left home, she was happy that way. Life was comfortable and easy. She couldn't want more than that, could she?

At night, new places came to mind. Forests, beaches, wild animals, the sea... She was living a whole new life. In her mind...

'Cause a girl gotta dream..."

"Come and Save me."

"Every new morning was a nightmare, something to show her that she had survived another night. A bad day ahead to be lived, and she wished she could leave, get lost and never be find again.

All the yelling and the fights echoed in her head over and over as the tears were falling down her face.
She couldn't see, but she knew that things were being thrown on the room as the noises got louder.

She set on the floor by the bed, with the notebook and a pen to work a letter, wishing that someone would read it and come for her.
The same five words repeating 'till the end of the page: "Please, come and save me..."

No one never saw the letter..."

About a guy.

"There was this guy.

New in the town, new at school. No one knew where he was coming from, his history or his father's name.

She used to seat on the chair, just staring at him, wishing she could guess all his secrets and mysteries. He was the reason for her to get all dressy to go to class and to shake and burble during the politics debate.

All she knew about him was his name and his gentle way with the words. She could listen to him talking about economy as if he was singing her a lullaby. Just listening, staring...

He was her knight, the chosen one, the prince...

She knew all that because of the one hour classes, his critical words, his dirty jeans and a sarcastic smile he had everytime he made her blush and lose her thinking on the subject.

Ahhh that guy..."

Got to lose some pounds.

"There was a perfect place.
A place where boyfriends didn't cheat, kids didn't have to leave to college, nor get married or grow older than cute little babies.
A place where war didn't exist, hunger was not known and death never had to happen.

You didn't have to leave your loved one, neither they you.
Your job was wonderful, such as your boss, and you'd make enough money to pay the bills, vacations three times a year and still have a little bit to buy a gift for yourself, just to be spoiled.

You didn't have your heart broken a million times, didn't have to cry alone while writing on your diary.
Didn't have your first time ruined by a fresh, young (and fast) boy, and didn't have to fake orgasms years later (because the guy was still fresh and fast even though he wasn't young anymore). Meaningless sex was always about you.

You could eat a bag of cookies and send the fat to that bitch who stole your boyfriend.
Could just seat and watch the gym classes instead of sweating your ass off, or you wouldn't even need it, 'cuz your fat was already with that bitch from before.

You would not feel alone, you wouldn't be scare, wouldn't worry, 'cuz everything was just perfect...

-----

Then there's you, living miles away from that perfect place, with the thought of the first change you gotta make Monday morning, repeating continuously on your mind:
"I gotta lose some pounds...""

The Loneliness

"The extra pillow on the bed was decoration during the day and company at night time, something to make the bed smaller.

She was laying there, on a Saturday night, at 9:30pm, thinking about the people in this side of the world, the side where was still Saturday night, that was getting ready to go out for the long night that was coming ahead of them, while she was there already ready for nothing."

-----

"It was her birthday. She was turning 21. The celebration: going to bed at 10:00pm after watching some mexican soap opera with a lady that had passed the day yelling at her.

"21" she though, "Yay" said quietly, laying on the uncomfortable sofa, as one single tear fell..."

-----

"Four monhs had passed, she was still hanging there.
Even the new season didn't cheer her up. But she was stronger than that. She had learned how to be.

The days were paassing fast enough for her to care. Just nine other months, a Christmas here, some birthdays there, no big deal.
She was hanging there."

-----

The Loneliness...